BREAKING: Mexico to Require U.S. Citizens Pass Metric System Test to Enter Country

As of August, Mexico will no longer convert feet, inches or Fahrenheit for U.S. tourists

MEXICO CITY — Beginning next month, all U.S. citizens traveling to Mexico will be required to pass a test that demonstrates a basic understanding of the metric system prior to entering the country, a move that could deter gringo visitors disinterested in learning universal measurement units that apply to the rest of the world, the Foreign Ministry wrote in a statement.

“The metric system is used in 192 of the world’s 195 countries and it’s time for these dum-dums to get on board with the rest of the planet,” the Foreign Ministry said. “Any future requests by U.S. citizens to convert meters to feet, kilograms to pounds or Celsius to Fahrenheit will, by law, be denied.”

Lisa Bridgeport struggles to convert feet to meters in recent trip to Mexico.

According to Mexico’s Foreign Ministry, immigration officials at airports and ports of entry will ask U.S. visitors three simple metric system questions upon arrival in the country. Some potential questions include:

“How tall are you in meters?”

“What is your weight in kilograms?”

“If it’s a sunny day with light breeze and around 70-75° Fahrenheit, what is the temperature in Celsius?”

For U.S. citizens who fail to answer these questions correctly, they can still enter Mexico if they agree to pay a 3,000 peso fine (around $150) or read an “admission of ignorance statement” aloud to an immigration officer. The statement reads:

“Hi. I’m from a failing imperialist state that didn’t teach me the basic universal measurement system. I am not personally to blame, but am a symptom of a larger problem.”

U.S. citizens that fail the metric system test and refuse to pay the fine or read the admission of ignorance statement will be sent home, either on a humid bus without air conditioning that shuttles passengers the border, or on a Spirit Airlines flight that will be delayed multiple times and doesn’t serve drinks or have seats that recline, the Foreign Ministry said.