Gay Tourists Stranded In Puerto Vallarta Form New Fabulous Cartel
Known as Narcos Con Nalgas, new cartel equipped with washboard abs, great calves
PUERTO VALLARTA — After spending the weekend on lockdown and losing valuable beach and brunch time, a group 35 of gay tourists stranded in Puerto Vallarta have formed a fabulous cartel of hotties to counter surging organized crime violence in Mexico.
Known as Narcos Con Nalgas (NCN), the cartel — which includes hunks from Canada to Brazil — launched over the weekend at a popular gay resort in Puerto Vallarta when the group decided they were too good looking and muscular to just “shelter in place” as violence ravaged the beach town.
“At some point we were like wait a second, we’re way more fit than any of these chubby goons setting buses on fire,” said Stu McMann, a 37-year-old Canadian and NCN’s spokesperson. “It’s time to get our nalgas out there and kick some Nueva Generación ass.”
Though unconfirmed, international experts opine that the reduced violence and return to calm in the country on Monday was likely due to rival cartels fearing the impeccable style and good looks of the NCN.
After 2 days of email from concerned family & friends, I needed a good laugh. You provided much needed humor!