Mexico-England Game Rescheduled Due to Sunburn Fears for British Fans
Similar to vampires, direct sunlight can cause Brits to slowly disintegrate
MEXICO CITY — Despite a forecast for pouring rain and electrical storms in Mexico City, the highly anticipated Mexico-England match tomorrow will be played at 6pm to limit British fans in attendance from excess exposure to sunlight and UV rays, which is said to make them tomato-faced and drunker, according to a FIFA statement.
Yesterday, it was announced the 6pm start time for the Mexico-England Round of 16 match would be moved to 12pm at Estadio Azteca to avoid a likely afternoon rain storm. Later in the day, however, FIFA inexplicably pushed the game back to its originally scheduled 6pm kick-off time.
“High noon and sunny in the altitude of Mexico City is really just a form of cruelty for the English,” FIFA explained. “We need to remember that these are a people that only see the sun like 22% of the year.”
While Mexican fans were befuddled by the announced time change, returning to the originally scheduled 6pm kick-off was celebrated nationwide, as it will give citizens more time to powerfully binge drink, honk their horns and listen to La Chona on loop before game time.