World Cup to be Played on Mars, Earth “Just Too Fkd Up Right Now:” FIFA President
Matches to be played as far away from human beings as possible
ZURICH — FIFA announced this morning that the 2026 World Cup, scheduled to be played in the U.S., Mexico and Canada this summer, will instead be moved to the planet Mars to get “as far away from this clusterfuck as possible,” president Gianni Infantino said in a press conference.
“We’re still 100 days away from the start of the tournament and half of the world is on fire,” Infantino said. “With so few places left on Earth safe enough to host the World Cup, we decided to play it on a planet where there is no sign of human life and no ongoing geopolitical conflicts that we are aware of.”
FIFA said ticket holders will be given the option of full reimbursement or can purchase a special all-inclusive intergalactic travel package that includes roundtrip fare on a space shuttle, lodging and meals for the low price of $250,000 per person.
“Mars is a 140 million miles away and while we understand the travel package isn’t cheap, it’s a Helluva safer than venues in Guadalajara or Texas,” Infantino said. “Also, we’re FIFA and we charge whatever we want.”
Mars, which doesn’t appear to have an established telecommunications network, did not immediately respond to a request for comment.